


I am here

by AdmiralOptimus



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: F/F, Friends to Enemies to Friends to Lovers?, Kinda, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Same universe, Semi-Canon Compliant, Shadow weaver is abusive and sucks, Some Fluff, Some angst, Tags will be updated, Trauma, a little darker, i mean kind of a slow burn if i have the energy, lets just go with enemies to lovers (catadora), lots of gay shit, some A+ brainwashing, war is hard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-25 10:29:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17723468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdmiralOptimus/pseuds/AdmiralOptimus
Summary: Catra is a little messed up after recounting parts of her childhood with Adora in the temple, so she returns to try and figure stuff out. Adora is already there. From there, a new world around recovery, understanding, war, love, and friendship starts to spread.That was a shit summary. If you like characters who've had their fair share of trauma (or too much) who get through it together, figure out their bullshit, are gay or bisexual as shit, and walk a line of morality vs self indulgence, read this, okay? I don't really know how else to describe it. It's a typical She-Ra dramatic fan fiction.





	1. Let Me Ask You

It had been more than a week since the battle of Brightmoon. It'd been longer since the temple. And it'd been a week, a whole glorious week since Catra had been promoted to second in command, directly under Hordak. Catra looked at herself in the mirror. She wore her typical outfit- Adora used to call it her catsuit- the dual colored orange top overlaying her torn pinkish leggings brought together by the leather belts loping around her waist. She used to wear boots, these kickass deep brown ones, but Catra soon learned she wanted her claws accessible. Her hair was free, tucked behind her ears and held in place by her headpiece. She smoothed out her top, her fingers running over her new badge. 

She knew she should be ecstatic, right? It was that badge, that absence of Adora, that she had longed for, right? This power, especially over Shadow Weaver, had been what she always wanted, right? Her reflection seemed imobile, her eyes hiding a dozen truths. Catra groaned, almost audibly. She'd learned to hide her doubts long ago, you had to in the Horde. Emotionless soldiers were the best soldiers. It's why Adora was never meant for the Horde- she was ruled by her heart. Something in Catra ached as she thought about that, about Adora leaving. 

It was bullshit, to feel this way. Adora was a traitor. Worse than that she was a princess. She was She-Ra. She was an enemy. But, in the temple, it didn't seem to matter. Catra knew what the truth was, right? The truth was that Adora was holding her back. Making her face Shadow Weaver. Catra almost trebled at the memory- but see, that reflex, that reflex of fear was borne from under Adora's watch. Adora let that happen. That was that. Catra set her face, changing from honest and dubious and maybe even afraid to immaculate immediately. She was used to it by now. She had to be. 

Catra stepped out of the locker room. Scorpia and Entrapta were engaged in some conversation about something about Perfuma's control of plants, and how it could maybe be weaponized. Lonnie was headed upstairs with a plate of food for Kyle. He was in seclusion after he let the princesses go. It'd only last another day. Despite his faults, Catra liked the kid. He was never an asshole. He really did try. He just wasn't cut out for this life. Usually, Catra'd start the day off with a command, but there were so little soldiers still at base. Over the last week, more than three fourths of the surviving soldiers had been sent off on surveillance missions in the woods and across Etheria. A siege on Plumeria was coming up. Scorpia wandered over. 

"Hey, Catra! So, Trapta- hey, Trapta, I kinda like that, can I call you Trapta, ooohh, or Trap-" Scorpia had turned to the purple haired girl, both if whom were smiling excitedly. Catra raised an eyebrow. "Sorry, Sorry, back on track... Cat?" Catra barely opened her mouth to protest in some creatively menacing way when Scorpia continued. "Right, sorry, no nicknames. Anyways, Trapta and I were planning on heading up to Dryl, you know, Trapta's old lab, to get all the old rune stuff she had. Also, to restock on tiny-food making robots. We wanna take a few people with us in case the princesses posted guards. You cool with that, er, commander?" 

Catra resisted the urge to smile. This was perfect. Honestly, she almost wanted to hug Scorpia, because if she ran this mission, Catra would get to be alone. A fucking luxury. Seriously, she wanted to jump up and down. Instead she just nodded. "Sounds like a plan Force Captain. Take Lonnie, Octavia and Rodgelio along." She sighed. "If you're taking Rodgelio along, you might as well take Kyle too." Rodgelio looked up from across the atrium. Catra had forgotten how good his inhuman hearing was. 

"Really?" He shouted. 

"Get him before I change my mind, Cadet. Keep him in line today." 

Rodgelio was already gone. Yet again, Catra resisted the urge to smile. Those two had never bothered her. They stayed decent. Good kids through it all. Kyle was a clutz, yes, but everyone dealt with the stress of the Horde differently. Kyle just, er, didn't deal at all. 

She turned back to face Scorpia. "Return with as much as possible. I want nothing to be wasted." 

Scorpia nodded. "Understood. I'll report back with a return time Kit Kat- errr, sorry, Commander."

Catra ignored the nickname. "I'll go on patrol in the woods. No backup needed. I want to make sure the new cadets on perimeter know what they're doing."

That was a lie. They knew their shit. Catra had trained them herself.

Scorpia nodded again. "Sounds reasonable. I'll report back soon." She turned and walked back towards Entrapta, who was taking apart a cafeteria table with her hair. It slid to one side, forcing a horde soldier's lunch to hit the floor. Catra rolled her eyes as she walked to the artillery closet hall. She grabbed a dagger and sheath, which she tied to her left calf. She wasn't expecting to need any weapons today, anyways. Plus, she had her claws. She opened a window, and almost casually, jumped out of it, landing on a piper below. Catra smiled. She still loved using her feline-borne abilities. She looked out over the Freak Zone, where in the distance, still-slightly-frozen trees poked out. With a running start, Catra leaped to the next roof. 

"Whispering woods, here I come," She whispered.  
______________________________________________________

 

Catra stumbled through the forest. It was somewhere near here, she knew it. She scrambled up a tree, her claws slicing into the deep bark of the thick trunk, as she hunted for a look. The temples familiar peaked roof was just visible. Catra leapt to the ground and headed towards it. She needed some answers. The temple was still abandoned, the door still propped open by the fallen rocks. Catra slipped down the ramp. Surrounding it was the bodies of dozens of the spider-like robots. Catra had come back after she and Adora got out, finished the job, tore out the circuits of every last one. They deserved it too. She walked by them, into the main room filled with those diamond like pillars. Catra slumped to the ground almost immediately. The place had a ridiculously powerful effect on her that day. Since, her mind had been in shambles. She closed her eyes. 

She remembered running down the glassy hallway with Adora, their actions spilling from reality to past so fluid Catra could barely keep track of the arguments. Her fingers intertwined with hers so naturally it almost hurt to think about. Giggles turned to screams and then turned back to voices she knew were more present. One argument stood out.

"You always need to play the hero, don't you?"

'I was only trying to protect you!"

"You never protected me! Not in any way that would put you on Shadow Weaver's bad side."

They were kids again, having the same argument. A smaller Catra continued.

"Admit it. You love being her favorite."

"That's not true!"

"Oh yeah?"

They were back to the present.

'When you left, who do you think took the fall for you then? Who was protecting me then?"

"You don't have to let Shadow Weaver treat you like that anymore. You can leave, just like I did."

The argument had continued from there. But a few things had stayed in Catra's mind. Circling like vultures, feeding on what's left, waiting for another forgotten casualty. 

Catra hadn't been wrong. Adora didn't protect her. Not enough. She never did. Sure, she'd shout at Octavia, or petition Shadow Weaver, but when it came down to it, Adora was on no one's side but her own. She'd still knock her down with Lonnie during training, she'd pretend she didn't know. That was the next thing that stood out to her. What Adora said. 

"You don't have to let Shadow Weaver treat you like that anymore." 

Catra's insides twisted as the words echoed in her head. Adora knew. Adora knew how Shadow Weaver treated her, and she ignored it. She pretended like she was ignorant, said she protected her, but she knew what Shadow Weaver did to her, what would happen when she was summoned to Shadow Weaver's chamber late after curfew, why Catra was held back after any detention or meeting. Adora knew why Catra had the scars she did, and Adora chose to do nothing. Adora hadn't protected her, Adora had held her back. Had her as her little damaged sidekick. Catra felt like she was going to throw up, but she opened her eyes. She ran towards the giant crystal, the one that made memories reality. She kicked it, hit at it. She had to know what Adora was doing when that happened. She had to know if she would hear her protests from the barracks, if Adora just rolled over in her sleep. Oh yes, Adora had been abused too, but Adora had been the favorite. Catra? Shadow Weaver had no problem doing whatever she wished to the girl. Catra started to cry, she didn't even realize she was doing so. She was sobbing, huge, racking, sobs shaking her whole body. 

"Catra?" It was that voice, the voice that had been rolling around in her head for the last hour. Catra spun around, dagger in hand. Adora stood there, sword tied to her back, walking towards her. Catra scoffed. "Great, the fucking rock works." She looked around her, expecting to see the glitching freak zone around her as a new memory engulfed her. Closure through pixels. Nothing came.

"I'm real, Catra." Adora said softly. "What are you doing here?" Catra launched to her feet, skillfully tackling Adora and pulling her into a chokehold. She half expected to roll straight through the girl, half expected her to be another mirage, a memory of a memory. Catra let go almost instantly when Adora winced. 

"You really are real," She said, her voice catching. Adora took a step back. Catra saw that one of her hands was twitching. Her instincts seemed to be telling her to grab her weapon now. Instead, she sighed, and leaned against the opposite side of the pillar. Minus the crystal between them, the two girls sat back to back, neither looking at the other.

"Imagine meeting you here." She joked half heartedly. 

Catra rolled her eyes, but slowly sat down fully.

"What, not thinking of killing me today?" Adora joked again. 

Catra ignored her.

"This is my first time back here," the blond said. "It was strange, seeing all those memories."

Her voice dropped to a near whisper. "It was so fluid, you know? Seeing us and kids and then us as, you know, us." 

Catra scoffed. "We're still fucking kids, Adora. Isnt that weird? Legally, neither of us are adults." 

Catra could imagine Adora rolling her eyes as she spoke. "You know what I mean. 

It was quiet again. 

"I'm sorry," Offered Adora.

Catra scoffed again. She was getting good at that. "For which part?"

"You've been an ass since, for the record, but I'm sorry for when we were kids. You were right, you know. I was afraid of her, of Shadow Weaver."

"Oh please. You were her favorite. She'd never hurt a hair on your head."

"You don't know that." 

"Sure I don't."

"Oh please, Catra. You weren't the only one she ever hurt."

Catra recoiled quickly.

"So you did know."

"Everyone did."

"Yeah. Thanks for the "protection.""

"Yeah, whatever Catra. I know it was horrible. I can't justify why I never did enough. I just know-" Adora's voice shook. "I know the few times she was ever violent with me were enough to scare me out of ever trying anything. I feel so guilty now, you know? I should've. You were right. I only played the hero when it suited me." 

"I guess it suits you now."

"I guess so."

It fell silent again. "She branded me, you know." Adora said. "Right in the center of my back. The Horde symbol."

Catra scoffed. Again. "She branded all of us."

"I want to erase it, somehow. It's like a swastika."

"Did you just call me a nazi?"

"No, no, no, I mean. It's just everytime I see it, it makes me want to hurl, you know? I hate it, the memories associated with it, what it stands for."

"Thank God its on your back, then."

"Oh, can it with your machismo I-share-nothing bullshit, Catra."

It was quiet again. Catra sighed. "Mines on my stomach. Right side. Right by my hit, above my pelvis. I see it everytime I change."

Catra laughed coldly. "That's loyalty at it's best. Mark your soldiers as yours so they can never leave."

"You can leave, you know. Come with me."

"Sure, Adora. Sure."

"No, really-"

"No, Adora. You don't get it. I can't leave."

"But Why-"

"Because, Adora, for once I'm the best at something. I'm second in command, now. I'm the new Shadow Weaver, except I'm not abusive or cruel. I rule well. I'm a good and fair commander. You said your mark is on your back? That's because she couldn't bear to look at your face when she did it. She couldn't bear to see you hurt. You've always been the best, the favorite Adora. It's always been easier for you. Now, here, I belong. I'm important, I'm respected, shit, I do more than Hordak. So, no, I can't just leave, Adora." 

Catra took a deep breath. "I work daily with Scorpia and Entrap-" She stopped herself.

Adora stood up, spun around the pillar to face her. "Entrapta?" Her face flooded with glee. "She's alive? You didn't kill her? She's alright?" Her face started to fall. "Work with her? What do you mean?" She pulled out her sword, and in one swift motion had catra pinned to the floor, the blade to her throat. "What do you mean? Explain yourself, now."

Catra smirked. "That's more like it." She stretched. "This is my natural state, Adora, you know this to be true. We just had a nice heart to heart about it." Catra felt something inside her closing up, becoming colder. "Adora, she joined us. She's happy at the horde. She gets to build whatever she wants. And you want to know why she joined us?"

She dropped her voice down to a cold calculated whisper. Her dual-colored eyes flashed. "Because you left her. And you never came back. Adora, you abandoned her too. It sounds like it's a pattern for you." Adora recoiled.

"No," She said, her voice cracking. "No, this isn't my fault. I didn't do this. We thought she was dead."

Catra cocked her head. "What was it you said? No Princess left behind?"

Adora looked ready to hit her. Suddenly she stopped. 

'Is she happy?" She whispered.

Catra smiled. SHe wasn't expecting to. "Yeah."

Adora's face hardened again, and she raised a fist. She hit Catra in the face, hard. The world went dark all at once. Catra hadn't been expecting that. Adora stood as She-Ra, Catra tossed over her shoulder. 

She had to get Entrapta back.


	2. Chapter 2

"You brought her back?

Catra slowly came back too as the familiar voice hissed nearby. 

"Adora, I know you have a soft spot for her, but come on!" Glimmer stamped her foot. Catra resisted the urge to scoff. Little Ms. Sparkles was all drama as usual. "We haven't prepared for this! We dont- I don't- know how to interrogate horde soldiers!" 

"Glimmer, look-" Adora started. 

"Adora, what do you expect her to tell us? What can she do for us? With the woods down, we need to be ready for an attack, not interrogating a force captain." 

Catra resisted the urge to correct her. 

"Besides, we're weakened right now! Scorpia is bound to come find her." 

"She mentioned Entrapta-"

"I'd like to believe that Entrapta is alive too, I really would. But let's be honest, manipulation is Catra's game. She was lying, 'Dora."

Catra ran her claws behind her as she took in her surroundings. She was bound to a, er, bright pink pillar? The Princesses really had to work on their interrogation decor. Her hands were behind her back, tied with what seemed to be a thick curtain rope that loped tightly around her stomach. Her feet were tied too- laid out in front of her. Her feet were pointed at a thick curving door decorated with what looked like purple gems. Above her, there was a ceiling taller than anything Catra had ever seen. It was almost beautiful- not that Catra would ever tell Glimmer that- but it really was. It was built of a series of high arch-like curves in the roof, and the walls were dotted with stained glass, filling the room with tangerine and soft pink light. Massive crystals hung from the ceiling from thick golden chains. And in the background, if Catra's ears didn't deceive her- was some sort of water system. A shower maybe? Or a fountain? It was luxurious. It had to be Brightmoon. The sheer amount of space made Catra anxious. She couldn't see behind her, but she knew she was near the center of the room. She hated that feeling, always had, of not knowing what's behind her. 

"Look, Glimmer, I just want to give her a chance. I need to know Entrapta's alright."

"Then what? You let her go?"

A hush fell over the arguing pair. It sounded like they were just outside of the thick doorway, out of Catra's view. Immediately, a knot grew in her stomach. Then what?

"We'll- we'll- we can cross that bridge when we get there." 

"Fine, Adora. I'm going to go actually be useful and go on patrol. You can stay and chat. You know I don’t trust her. Neither should you. Last time you “trusted her” she kidnapped Bow and I, left you to die in a temple, and then immediately brought an army to Bright-moon, so pardon me if I’m not ready to believe everything little Ms. Force Captain has to say."

Catra ran her claws over the rope. With her hands at this angle, there was no way she could slice through them. She started tugging her hands, trying to slip them out from the thick coils, but they wouldn't budge. This was another thing Catra hated- being trapped. It brought her right back to when Shadow Weaver used that red electricity magic to freeze her in place. Catra tried pushing herself up to a half-bridge with her legs to get a new angle to work the ropes from. No luck. 

The door swung open as Adora walked in. She was wearing her same old Horde clothes- the red jacket with the sleeves. The belt that used to have the Horde symbol had been replaced with a little golden wing, though. And the sword tied to her back was a change, but hey, nothing good lasts forever. 

"Oh! Your awake!" Adora exclaimed as she walked by the other girl, to where she couldn't see. 

Catra rolled her eyes. "What a thrilling start to my interrogation." It was easy- bouncing back into a light joking manner with Adora. It came naturally.

"I don't need intimidation with you." Adora said as she walked back around, clutching a circular magenta cushion. She tossed it on the floor, sitting cross legged.

Catra scoffed. "What's this, a sleepover? Or ooohh, Yoga? Meditation?" Catra lowered her voice. "Is this when we dish?"

Adora smiled. "I'm down to dish. Why don't you start with Entrapta? How's she doing?"

Catra rolled her eyes, trying to lean forward as much as she could. She so wanted to exude her regular confidence. "Trust me, "Dora," She said, trying out Glimmer's new nickname, "You don't want to know."

"Why? Because of all the torture the Horde was surely administrating? I can't think of any other reason she'd switch sides." 

"Oh, no, 'Dora, darling. You don't want to know because it's all. Your. Fault."

"Where is she?"

"Freak Zone. Duh. I'm pretty sure we already established all this."

"Why Entrapta?"

"She was convenient. You left her at our doorstep, after all."

"What does she do for you?"

"That I can't tell you." 

'Why not?"

"Yet again, pre established."

"I'll ask again-"

"Not gonna answer."

'Why not?"

"It's got less to do with Trapta-" Catra was careful to use her nickname- "and more to do with Horde plannings. Therefor, I will not disclose said information."

"Trapta, huh?"

"You arent the only one with a best friends squad." Catra watched Adora's face change. "What? You thought I'd still be pinning?"

"What is the Horde planning?"

"Not. Going. To. Say."

Adora leaned towards Catra, fingers tapping the sword. Catra scoffed. "Come on, Adora. We took the same courses, interrogation and not breaking under it. You gonna threaten me with your magical sword? You wouldn't hurt me."

Adora sighed, sitting back. “You're right, I won’t.” Then, she stood up and walked back towards the doors. 

“Awww, over so quickly?” Catra called playfully as Adora slammed the door closed behind her. Catra knew exactly what she was doing. In the Horde, Shadow Weaver taught them to leave their prisoners for a long time. Silence worked better than torture, sometimes. Catra’s stomach started to grow heavy somehow. She remembered the recommended amount of time alone Shadow Weaver had always insisted on- just over three days.

By three days, Scorpia and Entrapta will notice that she’s missing. The siege on Plumeria, the one that was supposed to be led by her, would have passed. Three days was unacceptable. Why had she even gone to the temple in the first place? This was a fucking war, not a playdate. Catra tilted her head back to rest on the pillar. She just, she missed the way things had been. Sure, she loved the new power she had. She loved being with Scorpia and Entrapta- though she'd never admit it. She honestly loved it when Scorpia called them best friends. But then she'd remember the last time she had all those things, and then she'd remember that even best friends can betray you. Sure, when she first met Scorpia and Entrapta, she thought they were too nice, to naive for their own good. She'd manipulated Scorpia into going to the ball, manipulated Entrapta into giving the location of all that first ones tech. But now? Now, she was actually fond of them.   
___________________________________

"Theres a siege on Plumeria?" Adora asked, frightened, as Glimmer stood over the holographic table. Little Horde icons were moving quickly upon Perfuma's icon.

"What, your ex didn't mention it?"

"She's not my ex- Whatever. We need to take Swift Wind and get down there. Now."

"I'll contact the other members of the alliance. Go with Swift Wind. Bow and I will meet you there."

Adora nodded as she took off for the Castle Gates. Swift Wind was waiting. 

"Where we headed?" He asked. "I could feel that you needed to get somewhere."

"Plumeria." 

Swift Wind dropped down to his knees so Adora could climb on, and started to trot quickly down the bridge, before taking off., his massive wings flapping in unison. 

"Soo, how was your day? I spent the day at the stables, knocking down doors and all. Good day for the revolution."

Adora rolled her eyes. "Swift Wind, let's focus on getting to Plumeria before we make small talk."

Swift Wind snorted. "All right, if you want to play it that way."

Plumeria slowly came into view. Adora raised her sword dutifully. "For the honor of Grayskull!"  
________________________________


End file.
